Bedknobs and Bootyholes

[00:00:00] Speaker A: I realize that. I realize how bad I am at taking compliments. That when somebody says, hey, man, you're looking good, I immediately go to McDonald's to get, like, a double quarter pounder and, like, self destruct when somebody's like, hey, man, you're looking kind of slim. I'm like, Cool, and I'll just take. [00:00:17] Speaker B: Care of that real quick. [00:00:17] Speaker A: I'll drink a liter of fucking I'll prove you wrong. I don't know what that is. That's another thing I gotta talk to my therapist about because put it on the. [00:00:33] Speaker B: Hello. [00:00:33] Speaker A: Hello. Welcome back to Papa Don't Preach. I'm here with Bennett Miller. And I am Obika. Mafuna. Bennett, how you doing? [00:00:40] Speaker B: Currently not bad. Doing AOK. [00:00:42] Speaker A: I know that last time we checked in with you, you went through this whole sobriety route. You still holding that up, still doing. [00:00:48] Speaker B: It, still not smoking or doing nothing. [00:00:51] Speaker A: So jealous of you. I'm like, a fucking mess. [00:00:57] Speaker B: It was rough. And this is like the week that's, like, settling in where it's like, okay, it's 09:00 at night. The kids are asleep. The dishes are done, laundry is put away. What do I do now? What? Because usually you just smoke weed and you'd literally do anything and it's fine. But now it's like, I got a restlessness inside of me that's, like, video games sometimes don't capture. Although although Nintendo did a really great thing. Nintendo drops a surprise game every once in a while. They had, like, Tetris 100 or Tetris 99, where you're playing against nine other Tetris players. They had Mario 99 or you're Mario in against 90 other players. Now they just came up with F Zero 99. Oh, so it's like you and 99 other drivers. [00:01:37] Speaker A: Captain Falcon. Oh, my God. [00:01:39] Speaker B: So that's been hitting my dopamine button pretty hard. [00:01:42] Speaker A: Oh, shit. [00:01:43] Speaker B: Bumping into people and jumping over stuff. Because I played a lot of F Zero as a kid. [00:01:47] Speaker A: It was like, underrated game. It was great. [00:01:50] Speaker B: It was one of those, like, we only had a couple of Super Nintendo games for a long time, and that was one I played the hell out of. [00:01:55] Speaker A: It was great. It was fantastic. Another underrated one was excitebike. That was another underrated one. I was just like, Why isn't there not an excitebite too? Maybe there is in China, but I don't have it. No. [00:02:05] Speaker B: So that's what I've been doing instead of smoking weed is video games and reading also reading Ninja Turtles. I've been going back and reading the old black and white comics, which are really interesting. [00:02:15] Speaker A: Oh, man, we got to get this motherfucker a blunt. [00:02:17] Speaker B: Yeah, he needs drugs. [00:02:21] Speaker A: I am reading a good old time Turtles. [00:02:26] Speaker B: It's fascinating. The whole story I mean, this is a big time aside, but the whole story is how the Ninja Turtles came together. Two guys guys love comics. All they want to do is make a living in comics. They made a studio out of their apartment. They sold, like, you know, the first issue sold like 3000 copies. They shopped it around. Action figure company bought it. The action figure company said, hey, let's make a cartoon of it. They'd only made twelve issues of Ninja Turtles when this is happening. This is like 1988. Then flash forward a couple of years. Couple failed Ninja Turtle series. One of the guys, the younger guy, is like, hey, I'm going to sell my rights like I'm done with the turtles. So he sold it to the older guy. [00:03:01] Speaker A: Oh, my god. [00:03:02] Speaker B: Older guy holds on to it until Viacom comes along and says, you know what? We love those ninja turtles here's $60 million. So one guy got $60 million, and the other guy is still working on Ninja Turtles. And it's a really interesting, rough story because obviously that's a pretty hard bridge to burn. And only in the last couple of years, they've kind of come together. A series called The Last Ronan, which is about like the last ninja turtle. [00:03:30] Speaker A: Dude, that looks so sick. [00:03:32] Speaker B: It's dark and great, but it was. [00:03:34] Speaker A: Literally like, we can't spoil it, right? We can't tell them who the last Ronan is. No. Okay. [00:03:40] Speaker B: So it's like this full circle thing. They really could not stand each other for a long time. And then they finally made this kind of full circle comic. So I'm going back and reading all that stuff. [00:03:50] Speaker A: Oh, shit. [00:03:51] Speaker B: And it's interesting the ideas they came up with and how the characters they created and how quickly people took it away from oh, damn. Instead of making toys and action figures and cartoons and movies and movies and movies and movies and movies. [00:04:03] Speaker A: Fuck. [00:04:04] Speaker B: Interesting. I want to two guys writing a black and white. And literally, they were two guys. They would write and draw together. One guy would draw a little bit hand to the other guy. He'd draw a little bit, hand it back to the other guy, draw a little bit. So all their, like their line works really thick. And it looks overworked because it is overworked. It's two guys working, passing it back and forth, and eventually mailing it back and forth until they're like, okay, we're both happy with this. Now put it in the printer. [00:04:28] Speaker A: Shit, yeah. [00:04:29] Speaker B: Insane. [00:04:30] Speaker A: See, I think it's because I've never been in the situation, but if I was working with somebody and it all fell to shit and I'm like, I'm sticking with it. Fuck you, blah, blah, blah. Because I have somebody in my life right now that stops picking up the phone, whatever, gone. If I said, I'm staying with this project, and if for any reason that this project ends up taking off the first phone call, I'm going to that fucking person. I'll be like, yo, I will never shame someone for giving up an idea and trying to move on with their life. And as long as they're not like, fuck you, I want this. This is your right I'm going to reach out to that person. If it gets nasty, it gets nasty. But this is the way I think it's. Like, I choose to believe the good in other people because I feel like that's the only way the world will move in a positive direction. And so I know that my first call will be to this person and be like, hey, I have two options for you. I just got a buttload of money. I'll either give you this much, or you can come back to work. Pick one, and I'll try and figure it out. Because no matter what happened between those two, they both put their fucking blood, sweat, and tears into that thing that was their baby. [00:05:45] Speaker B: It was equal parts, like character design, everything. And then the guy took the check, and he was like, okay, buy Ninja Turtles. And then Nickelodeon was like, hey, Kevin Eastman, didn't you make the Ninja Turtles? Would you like to work for us now? I got paid because I follow him on Instagram. And he's still doing the cons. He's still doing all that stuff. And the other guy is not the other guy has $60 million and is not doing anything. [00:06:07] Speaker A: Yeah, I would love anybody I had an idea with to have a choice. Yeah. [00:06:14] Speaker B: It's a rough, interesting story. [00:06:16] Speaker A: Speaking of interesting stories, I don't know if you heard about what's going on in Vegas right now. [00:06:21] Speaker B: I just saw it is like, oh, my God. It's like, out of what's? The movie Vanilla Sky? When the footage I saw because basically MGM Grant is being held ransom by a hacker group and they've shut down fucking everything. [00:06:34] Speaker A: Yes. And MGM Grand owns a lot of. [00:06:37] Speaker B: You know, all the digital slots are down, elevators are down, hotel keys are down, lines down. [00:06:44] Speaker A: You can't do anything. Anything that's on a computer is down, which is everything. They have digitized all of Las Vegas. So everything is down. And I haven't been seeing news coverage of it. [00:06:55] Speaker B: I've just seen it. I saw someone sent me a little Instagram thing about and that's like, how the mainstream media isn't covered. It's like, that's weird. And literally, it was just tech blogs and tech sites. Like when I Googled MGM hostage situation. [00:07:09] Speaker A: The only reason I was talking about it and your phones listen to you. And I think, my sister's boyfriend's going to a bachelor party in Vegas or some shit like that. And so I just got all these Vegas memes. And then all this stuff for Vegas started popping up. I'm like, Should I tell this motherfucker not to be going to Vegas? But not my problem. Not my job. [00:07:31] Speaker B: I mean, you take cash. I think you're good. There's no credit. [00:07:34] Speaker A: It's like people are checking like hotels are checking people up on clipboards. And you mentioned there was walkie talkie. [00:07:41] Speaker B: I saw yeah, it was like in an elevator. It was like an elevator with a walkie talkie. Said if need to go like, awky us? [00:07:48] Speaker A: Yeah, we'll crank you up, dude, that's crazy. I can't imagine all the other shittier hotels laughing all the way to the bank right now. [00:07:56] Speaker B: Yeah, you think like Circus Circus, the clowns are all counting their cash. [00:08:03] Speaker A: They're checking motherfuckers on clipboards. Be like, OOH, get a new computer. They said, how you like me now? [00:08:08] Speaker B: Like Blaine said, it's like the credit card machine. [00:08:11] Speaker A: We're all good here. [00:08:12] Speaker B: This is carbon paper. Ain't going nowhere. [00:08:13] Speaker A: The Rio's like pink for you, yellow for us. Fuck you MGM. It has to be so good, man. One thing I'm not sure, and we'll have to wait till the dust settles, but it seems like these hotels are taking care of their workers and paying them OT. [00:08:30] Speaker B: I did see that. They're trying to keep because they're trying to keep averaging money. I'm assuming it's worse than even the pandemic you had, motherfuckers. Still the casino gambling. Still people there. [00:08:43] Speaker A: I'll let you know. There's times that Vegas is quiet. I remember I stopped in Vegas. It was like the Christmas Eve. [00:08:52] Speaker B: It's like 545 on a Sunday morning. [00:08:55] Speaker A: Yeah, bro, it was wild. All the clubs were I was like, wait, Vegas has an off day? Yeah, and I was just stopping over for a drive like, oh yeah, we can stop in Vegas here and continue into Arizona and hate our lives. I was like, yeah, Vegas is going to be fun. It's the holidays. Everybody's off. No, there's only the worst of the worst people that are at a casino on Christmas Eve. [00:09:18] Speaker B: That sounds like a good time to go. [00:09:19] Speaker A: I'll tell you right now, there's not a lot of them. There's not a lot of the worst of the worst. So things are open, but staff is getting drunk. They're taking all the governors off the fucking go carts. And we're like, you want to go 50 mph? Go 50 mph. [00:09:34] Speaker B: You have to really either hate or your family hates you to be on the casino on Christmas Eve. [00:09:43] Speaker A: I can't imagine. Imagine being in one of those hotels right now, just in your room and everything's digital. You can't turn on your TV because it's connected. You can't open your blind system. You can't close your blinds. Imagine taking a shit like taking a shit in a fucking digital bathroom. Yeah, the bidet doesn't work. I guess I have to how do I wipe my ass? [00:10:05] Speaker B: Yeah, I mean, are the faucets like automatic? Does that work? Is everything done? Just like fucking what's? It maximum overdrive when things start chomping on people while slot machine is going to eat somebody's tie. [00:10:20] Speaker A: I love how you have like this cartoonish brain just yeah, it's not the worst thing, but it's like funny death, funny chaos. [00:10:29] Speaker B: He's going to die, but it should be funny. [00:10:30] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:10:33] Speaker B: And then it's just like the spinners spin and the blood starts going down. [00:10:37] Speaker A: Yeah. Oh, God. Some gremlins type comedy shit. [00:10:42] Speaker B: I did see Gremlins way too young. [00:10:44] Speaker A: I saw Gremlins real too. I saw Gremlins on KTLA. For those who are not here, KTLA is like our Channel Five. Back in the day, they used to show movies on Saturday night. They had the Saturday night and Sunday night movies. And I remember I watched it. My dad would pop in. We were like, oh, this is the Gremlins. And my dad obviously knew there was parts missing. So we went to Blockbuster and rented the real movie. And I was like, I don't need to see this. I didn't need to see this. I remember how adults would like, do you remember the voice? The shitty voiceover? Man, I feel so old because I don't think kids will get this. But the shitty voiceovers they would do on television when there was dubs. When they're like, what the hell is going on over here? [00:11:33] Speaker B: I think I had a shirt for a bit. Like the big lebowski was. [00:11:37] Speaker A: Whatever. [00:11:38] Speaker B: It's like this is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass. This is what happens when you find a stranger in the Alps. [00:11:45] Speaker A: This is. [00:11:45] Speaker B: What happens when you find a stranger in the Alps and beating his car up. [00:11:51] Speaker A: Oh, man, that's good. We were just talking about using a digital toilet when I was in Japan. I keep dropping that because I'm sophisticated. Yeah. [00:12:03] Speaker B: World traveler. [00:12:04] Speaker A: When I was in Japan. In Shibuya? Yes. Pronounced it correct. [00:12:12] Speaker B: Nice. [00:12:13] Speaker A: There was some I cannot imagine if all the tech just shut down again. You had to go back to toilet paper. I couldn't use a bidet anymore. Because they don't take care of you in Japan. It's one ply everywhere. Because this is just for drying your booty, not for wiping it. There's a whole thing that does that for you. [00:12:33] Speaker B: It sings while it does it. [00:12:35] Speaker A: How much toilet paper do you use? [00:12:37] Speaker B: Are we jumping in this now, or do you want to do this when we come back? Because we could talk a while about this. [00:12:42] Speaker A: I really want to know. Our producer brought it up. I've been thinking about it. Now I have this Vegas thing on the mind, and I'm like, Holy shit. No pun intended. How much toilet paper do you use? I have a very complicated butt routine. [00:13:00] Speaker B: Sure. [00:13:01] Speaker A: And I don't know if we should get this deep. [00:13:05] Speaker B: We're hitting middle aged. Like I'm saying, do we need to talk about this now or after the break? [00:13:09] Speaker A: I think we should take a break. All right. Because maybe we'll talk some sense. [00:13:13] Speaker B: I'm not saying nothing until we get back. [00:13:17] Speaker A: All right, we'll take a break. Ladies and gentlemen, this is Papado Preach. Stick around. We'll be right back with more. And we're back. Yeah. Sorry if we get a little loud up in there. All right. Thank you, guys. We're back. It's nice and quick. Nice and quick break. So we were talking about booty holes. All right. We're very different. [00:13:54] Speaker B: Sure. [00:13:55] Speaker A: Very different. I have a particular routine when I wipe my butt, but I found that there's this big discussion of how much toilet paper people use, and I'll go first if you want me to. [00:14:10] Speaker B: Sure. [00:14:11] Speaker A: Toilet paper is not really a big factor for me anymore. It's kind of out of the a long time. For a long time, when I was at, like, the little move I would do is I would take a little toilet paper, like a little three roll, and I take a little water, sprinkle it on it from the sink, and then I wipe my butt. Because to me, I watched a thing on Bill Nye when I was so Bill Nye had this clip on the Bill Nye decides, guy, this is Bill Nye's fault. [00:14:40] Speaker B: While you wipe your butt this way? [00:14:41] Speaker A: Yes. All right. So Bill Nye, a long time ago, was talking, know, bidets and why it's good to wash your butt. And it was like this kid's, you know, he smudged some mud on a shoe that looked like shit and took a paper towel and tried to wipe it off. And then he's like, look at it. And then he took a hose and then sprayed it off and then wiped it and goes, what's the difference here? And he explained how moisture breaks down solids, especially things that aren't solivider or whatever. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm walking around with the crusty ass. I got to wash my butt. So from a very young age, from like, six to seven years old, I started doing a little sprinkle on there. So from then, obviously, I graduated to wet wipes. Like the wet ones. You do one wet, one dry it off, and then if you're poor and don't have a bidet, you walk out of there. [00:15:38] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:15:39] Speaker A: So I don't use that much toilet paper. How much toilet paper do you use? What's your routine? [00:15:45] Speaker B: I use a lot of toilet paper. I'm not sure. I probably need to see a professional. I have a very sensitive butt. [00:15:56] Speaker A: I'm with you. [00:15:56] Speaker B: I'm a sensitive man. Probably starts with my butt. So I use a lot of toilet paper. I'm constantly doing the checks. I'm constantly trying to do a little maintenance work while the business is happening, which means you got to flush a bunch, which means it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. On top of that, I get the wipes too. I get the wipes so much, it's like there's a wipe in my luggage, right? Yeah. Those travel with me. If I got a hotel, if I go anywhere, I need my ass taken care of because we know hotel, I. [00:16:33] Speaker A: Get the fucking big wipes. [00:16:34] Speaker B: Especially if you're, like, in Vegas right now. The digital toilet paper ain't working, so you got to bring your own wipes. It's definitely, like, a thing. [00:16:44] Speaker A: Yes. [00:16:46] Speaker B: My poor sensitive butthole would be like, oh, no, that's a single ply. [00:16:53] Speaker A: When I used to go to church, I would always remember to go to bathroom before church, because I remember when I was a lot younger, my mom would I don't know. Have you ever been to black churches? Like, in the city? [00:17:03] Speaker B: Like the black churches? No, I haven't. [00:17:05] Speaker A: All right. Southern Baptist church are, like, four to 5 hours long. [00:17:10] Speaker B: I have heard this. [00:17:12] Speaker A: It's like not chill. [00:17:14] Speaker B: It's a day thing. [00:17:15] Speaker A: It's like you get there at 07:00 a.m. You're walking out of there at, like, three or four. It might as well be a fucking job. [00:17:22] Speaker B: I'm sure by the end, Jesus is like, all right, enough. I'm good. I'm going to take a nap. [00:17:27] Speaker A: Like, the first part's fun. Then it gets a little then you're like, okay. Then you think they're wrapping it up here. Then another dude shows up. You're like, who the fuck is this motherfucker? It's noon. I remember I would always remember to go to bathroom because I told my mom I'm like, I don't like going there because they have bad toilet paper. They have bad toilet paper. I don't know what it was. I didn't know what they were skipping on. But not only was it single ply, but it was the one where it was at that big silver box. You tried to pull a sheet, and only one flap would come out. [00:18:01] Speaker B: That's the worst. [00:18:02] Speaker A: And, like, you're sitting there stacking flaps, and with this shit, it's like the toilet seat cover company and the toilet paper company got together to prank us and like, yo, give me some of your toilet seat cover. I'm going to make it, like one flap. So some douchebag comes in here and rips his butthole apart trying to wipe his ass. I didn't understand. I'm in the house of God. [00:18:27] Speaker B: It's like it's recycled from glass. It's like, that's what it's made out. [00:18:30] Speaker A: Of in a heavenly place. Yeah. What the fuck? You're supposed to be watching my butt. [00:18:37] Speaker B: We get a lot of vegas. Last time I was in know, I'm a sensitive butt. It's a smelly butt know, probably because I eat garbage all day. But anyway, last time we're at Vegas to spare Natalie, I'd go to the not Vegas, any hotel. If there's a bathroom in the lobby, I'm going to the lobby bathroom and I'm taking my wipes and I'm taking a book with fucking I don't know what. Like a dad. Like a dad taking wipes in the public bathroom with me. [00:19:03] Speaker A: I'll tell you, when I'm in hotels with my partner, if I'm sober enough, I always use the lobby bathroom. I'm just like, I'm a caring guy. If I'm not, then I'm sorry. This shit's getting blown up. [00:19:19] Speaker B: It's also because bathrooms are all designed by super efficient German people who thinks, like, let's just slide the door closed. [00:19:25] Speaker A: We don't need door closed now. [00:19:27] Speaker B: That's my German accent. [00:19:28] Speaker A: Yeah, well, you go into the problem is when I go to a hotel, I want to be taken care of. I want the fanciest the best and everything. My partner, Shannon not the same way. She's all about aesthetic and boutique, which means shitty. It just looks so like I'm in this lofty hotel with high ceilings, wood know, some weird looking TV that doesn't get the channels I want no bathroom door. There's a fucking curtain or beads. Like old fashioned tub that I don't fit in. A fucking toilet with a crank. And she's like, oh, my god. Isn't this so cute? I'm like, I hate it here. [00:20:03] Speaker B: Cranking the toilet. [00:20:06] Speaker A: But it makes for great pictures. I'm always fucking sitting there. I'm a sucker, too. I'm taking pictures. People like, where are you? I'm like, wouldn't you like to know? Exclusive, hot claws. But inside, I want to be at a fucking Four Seasons. I want to be at even a fucking Hampton Inn. I'll take a fucking Hampton Inn like a double tree. [00:20:30] Speaker B: If I'm ballin'i know a Hampton Inn, doors are going to close. They can't afford to have sliding doors in the Hampton. [00:20:34] Speaker A: They can't afford not to right now. I'm not going to talk shit about the Hampton. I'll leave it right there. That's a whole other thing. But as a dad, speaking of pooping, something happened to me the other day that's like I remember when it happened with my father. And I graduated to fatherhood on this day. But just the other day, like a few days ago, I asked my son to go to bed. He was staying downstairs. I was like, it was bedtime. But he was waiting for me. So I went downstairs. I was downstairs, and I went to the bathroom. I figured he went upstairs. Like, he took his little iPad, and I was going to get him ready. I already put on the TV. Thought everything was chill. I went downstairs and I went to the restroom. A number two, if you know. I opened the window. I was like, okay, cool. I opened the door, and there's Ozo. Like, hey, how are you? I'm like, oh, I thought you were going to like yeah, I was. And he stopped right there because he got a whiff of what just happened in there. And like, his face he was just like he did like the almost puked. I'm like, oh, my God. Are you okay? He's like, oh, yeah. It's just really stinky. I'm like, all right, let's get out of here. But my kid almost puked on me. He just wasn't ready. And it was like the fact that he just did, like a big inhale hey, daddy. He got all of it. He got all of it. I felt real bad for him. Felt real bad for him. You could see the strain in his face. He was like and I was like, oh, my god. And I didn't even put two and two together at that time. I was like, oh, shit, he's choking on a raisin. Like, this is a child who ate a Lego. No, I did this. This was my fault. [00:22:27] Speaker B: And that's what the song Circle Life is about, the circle of Poop. I've had that same memory of, like, walking into the bathroom. [00:22:38] Speaker A: Like, Jesus. [00:22:40] Speaker B: It's like an atmosphere. [00:22:42] Speaker A: I remember my dad had a two bedroom apartment, and I just walked in after. I'm like, there's a baby hippopotamus dead under the sink. Something's dead in here. I'm just like, my dad's like, big Nigerian. You don't like that scent? My dad laughs like Bison from Street Fighter blade's met my dad. You see Eddie? Eddie has, like, an African like an mean, I don't even want to get into this rant, right? But so question for you. Do you have this connection with people who are from Louisiana? Like, when you meet somebody from Louisiana, is there, like, this connection that you. [00:23:31] Speaker B: Yeah, it's unique in that, like, I'm sure people Ohio be like, oh, you're cool. Like, literally, I met someone this week who went to LSU and grew up in a weird part of Louisiana. It's an immediate connection. [00:23:41] Speaker A: Immediately, I don't have like, when you grow up in La and you meet somebody from La, you're like, hey, where you're from? They're like, oh, van Ives. I'm like, yeah, it's a big it like that's. Like, unless they was like, Yo, I grew up on the street that you grew up on, we got nothing. Yeah, we got nothing. And I started realizing that I'm like, kind of this dude with I am Nigerian, and I'm an American born Nigerian, which is a very unique place to be in. So unless I meet another American born Nigerian, they don't know what the fuck is going on. Because in Nigeria, you're the American. In America, you're the from they let you know that no matter where you are. And there's, like, this particular thing that you go through. When an American sees you but you're Nigerian, they're like, oh, you're Nigerian? Oh, your name's mwadu. I knew an Emmy. Great. We all know each other. I'm glad you know this guy with a similar name. But when you meet a Nigerian and they're just, Ah, you're from ah what? And I'm like, Anambra. Ah. Anambra. All right. What parts of anambra? I'm like, okay, my family's fromisha how do you say onisha that's? How? I'm like okay, listen here. I hear the way you talk. You hear the way I talk. You don't need to prove you're more Nigerian than I am, all right? I'm just saying that we share some it's a whole thing that we got to go through. And I started realizing that I see outside. Like, I see when Puerto Ricans meet Puerto Ricans, they got their thing. I even see people from the States. When you're from Louisiana, you got your thing. And I realized, Nigerians, God damn. The first thing is to attack but shit, man, I'm Nigerian till I die. [00:25:45] Speaker B: Yeah, it's weird. [00:25:46] Speaker A: It's very weird. [00:25:47] Speaker B: What a weird place to be in. [00:25:49] Speaker A: I'm a man without a country. Yeah. [00:25:51] Speaker B: I mean, the only way I could possibly relate is now that I'm officially a like, I'm not a Louisiana. When I talk to Louisiana people that don't know me since high school, it's like, I might as well be from Born on Hollywood Boulevard. [00:26:03] Speaker A: Yeah, you've been here over a decade. You got your card punch. You're a californian. Yeah. Do you say the Ten freeway or the Ten freeway? [00:26:11] Speaker B: I say the ten. [00:26:12] Speaker A: Yeah. You angelino. [00:26:14] Speaker B: It was I ten my entire life. I drove I ten everywhere. Now I take the ten to go to it's. [00:26:23] Speaker A: The ten. Oh, that's good stuff. That's good stuff. I like that. It makes me feel better that I have a fellow angelino next to me. [00:26:36] Speaker B: Yeah, they don't want me back there either. [00:26:39] Speaker A: Do you know French or do you just know, like, the funny stuff? [00:26:41] Speaker B: Just the funny stuff. Just the funny I am I'm not great with languages. I've been to foreign countries, and literally when I went to Italy, I was saying, like, gracious. After everything, for the first couple of days, I lit my brain. It's like it don't know I'm trying, but man, it ain't good. No, I just know, like, laze le montorule. [00:27:08] Speaker A: Le poisson lepois. [00:27:11] Speaker B: That's the fish. [00:27:12] Speaker A: Yeah, it's a little mermaid. All right. [00:27:20] Speaker B: There's a little town on the way to Lafayette called grantet, which just means big head grande. grantet, do you say? [00:27:26] Speaker A: Hey, I'm from grantet, Louisiana. [00:27:29] Speaker B: Yes, you could say that. [00:27:30] Speaker A: Oh, damn. Yeah. [00:27:32] Speaker B: Grantet, Louisiana. [00:27:34] Speaker A: All right. You still got the. [00:27:37] Speaker B: Have to. The way I center myself is I say alligator, and that's how you get your accent started. You got to say alligator first, and. [00:27:46] Speaker A: Then it goes from there. Don't know why. I know why. [00:27:51] Speaker B: It's Swamp People. [00:27:51] Speaker A: Swamp people. [00:27:53] Speaker B: The very first time I saw the Swamp People on the television, I did not need the subtitles. I am related to swamp people. [00:27:59] Speaker A: Alligator. [00:28:00] Speaker B: Alligator. [00:28:01] Speaker A: Lisbeth get the alligator. Oh, man. I'm not laughing at you. Hey, I'm not laughing at you, but god damn, you pulled that out. Alligator. I was not ready for that. That hit me in my soul. Oh, damn. Okay, well, I want to take a quick break because we're just catching up with each other right now. I know that we're going to have a couple of weeks off coming up soon. [00:28:28] Speaker B: Yeah, we've got life stuff coming up. I'm taking a trip to Texas before I start a show, and you're starting a show and you're going all over the place? [00:28:35] Speaker A: Yeah, we're going to try and do it remote, but shit. [00:28:40] Speaker B: You told me your schedule. Yeah, once I start my show. That show is fucking tough, too. It's mattress. Whatever. Yeah, I haven't signed the NDAs yet. [00:28:51] Speaker A: I forgot to send you some paperwork. [00:28:56] Speaker B: A cooking. Show where someone may or may not be the master. [00:28:59] Speaker A: Okay, thank you. We're going to be right back. You guys stay tuned. We'll be back with more popping on Preach. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for sticking around for another episode of Papa Don't Preach. As you know, this is a segment that we call Papa's Pulpit, where me and Bennett, we just kind of rant about things that are getting on our nerves. And this week isn't any different. We are both industry people. We support our own. We know we work very hard. It's a big wheel with a lot of spokes, and the strike is still going on. But something caught our eye this week. [00:29:54] Speaker B: Yeah, well, the show that I may not be working on now that I said it out loud, we we mainly work in reality TV. So the people that are host are they're not ayatsi they're not acting. They're themselves. [00:30:07] Speaker A: They play themselves. Gordon Ramsay is always going to be Gordon Ramsay. Simon Cowell's always going to be Simon Cowell. [00:30:11] Speaker B: If you've watched any reality show, you know we don't have writers. [00:30:13] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:30:15] Speaker B: It's the producer that usually writes stuff for Ramsay to say and tells it in his ear. [00:30:19] Speaker A: Regular people cosplaying as actors, and producers cosplaying as writers. That's what reality TV so we're very. [00:30:25] Speaker B: Fortunate to be working right now. I completely understand that. And two other people decided, hey, we want to join. We want to start working again, too. Bill Maher and Drew Barrymore, respectively, both decided they're going to start their shows up again. Yes, both they have shows with Drew Barrymore's. She was hanging out with Et forever. She's an actress actress. She's a lifetime actress. I can't writers on our show. Bill Maher is a stand up, has writers on his show forever. [00:30:50] Speaker A: These are the two worst people, I would say, to cross the picket line. These are the two worst individuals that will stand up there and say, hey, we're going to do this no matter what. And I understand it. I understand it. I just don't agree with it. [00:31:04] Speaker B: Yeah, I've had contact with both of these people, actually the same studio. Oh, shit. I was doing crafty on a show, and this is probably not a good thing for me, but hey, it's my experience, okay? I saw someone at the crafty table, and my first thought was, like, whose mom is at the crafty table? Like, someone literally dropped off the kids at school, and it's now at my crafty table. And it was Drew Barrymore. [00:31:28] Speaker A: Oh, shit. [00:31:28] Speaker B: Because she was the host of the show. That's my only contact with her. It's like, oh, shit. She's like a regular person. Look at her. And then Bill Maher, we used to shoot, like, right next door to them, so we used to fight with parking with their writers all the time. [00:31:40] Speaker A: Yeah, I've been there. TV City. [00:31:45] Speaker B: So I know firsthand that he's kind of a prick. [00:31:48] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:31:51] Speaker B: I've heard talk. [00:31:52] Speaker A: So here's the thing. [00:31:54] Speaker B: I've seen him talk. He's kind of a prick. [00:31:56] Speaker A: This idea that they're like, hey, there's people that are hurting that aren't the writers and it's not fair is understandable, but also bullshit. Yeah. [00:32:06] Speaker B: Bill Maher also shoots like once a week. His show ain't. Price is right. His show ain't America's Got Talent. Like, he's not shooting every single day. Same thing with Drew Barrymore. They cook out a few episodes a day and then crank. And then she's off four days a week. Or like, the fact that these guys. [00:32:23] Speaker A: Are sitting there like, oh, my God. This is life or death for some of these people, I guess. Like, what, the producers? And they don't have, like, six Pas on all week. The show is live, and I'm sure. [00:32:35] Speaker B: I know it is. I know it's hurting their staff, but it's really fucking selfish to be like, well, hey, we're going to go ahead and I know everyone is suffering right now, but we're really suffering. So we're just going to do it instead, okay? Because people are getting fucked over us. Reality people. I'm in a union, so that really helps me not get fucked over because it's a vastly different pay from a union gig to a non union gig. That's what union is supposed to do. It's supposed to stick up for you and protect you. That's what they're trying to like, there's people that haven't got paid a, this is something I know for a fact. Netflix is the only streaming company that keeps track of their numbers. [00:33:15] Speaker A: Yes, it's fucking bullshit. [00:33:17] Speaker B: Amazon, Disney, plus every single one. They do not know how much people and they keep it secret because they don't have a system to grade. There's no rating system on streaming services. [00:33:27] Speaker A: Yeah. [00:33:27] Speaker B: So basically, if you do a streaming, the magic number is like 100 episodes. You get syndication. Your syndication will keep you forever. That shit isn't on streaming. If you did a show like, hey, let's say we were the A Team back in the team's on Netflix or whatever, we ain't seen that money. [00:33:47] Speaker A: And I pity the fool who doesn't pay me. [00:33:49] Speaker B: It's still me. You're still Mr. T. I'm still the other guy that's the white guy. [00:33:53] Speaker A: Liam Neeson. [00:33:55] Speaker B: That guy? [00:33:56] Speaker A: Well, you didn't see the remake. No, I did not. [00:33:59] Speaker B: Okay, but that's the thing, is it's like there's no residual pay for actors and writers because there's no system in place to say, hey, a million people, 3 million people, 8 million people watched your downloaded and streamed your show. None of that is in place to get money for them. Streaming companies are just sucking up all their money. [00:34:18] Speaker A: They're ranking it all up. [00:34:19] Speaker B: Yeah, and charging us more. Charging the people that just stream that shit more. [00:34:24] Speaker A: It's crazy that you have a Netflix for 799 and they're like, yo, we need to keep bringing you content now. You got to pay 1499. And then a meme will get popular, and everybody will start rewatching the AO like a little fucking Netflix series. Everybody will start watching it again. You have this huge surge. It'll be memed. People will be talking about it. [00:34:52] Speaker B: And not only that, it's like, Matt Damon made this. [00:34:56] Speaker A: Matt Damon. I know. [00:34:57] Speaker B: I can't help myself either. He was talking about the destruction of the DVD and Blu ray. You go walk into a Best Buy, you know, there's Blu rays and DVDs are dead. And that's how actors and producers made their money after shit came out. Huge deal. Now you sell it to a streaming service, and it's bye bye. Like it's just gone. It's theirs now. They eat it up and they take everything, and you get nothing from it. [00:35:18] Speaker A: Yeah. And like, the big actors, like Matt Damon, like The Rock, like Drew Barrymore, if they wanted to pull her on something, yeah, they're going to get a fat fucking paycheck. But what about the background actors on that show? What about the supporting cast? What about the man with rake in the lawn? What about hand job guy number two? Yeah, great. I saw that. Meme like, OOH, this guy's really hurting for money. It's like hand job guy number two. I'm like, oh, my God. I want a credit. [00:35:44] Speaker B: Hey, casting calls. A casting call. [00:35:45] Speaker A: Casting call is a casting call. [00:35:48] Speaker B: But yeah, it's wildly selfish. They're putting it in a selfless light, but literally, they're making new content in a world where no one else is making new content. [00:35:58] Speaker A: And it's fucking bullshit. Like, the fact that this guy says that he needs to get back to work. You're going to hurt the person you're trying to help. What a contradictory statement. [00:36:08] Speaker B: It's literally blowing off every it's like such hey, I know you guys are bad, but let's just do it anyway. [00:36:14] Speaker A: You're helping the fucking problem. You're helping the bad guy here. Have you guys ever seen the movie Braveheart? Yeah. You see braveheart. So you remember at the end of the movie where they show their asses in the middle? They show their asses, but at the end, when they have this whole plan to circle the Brits, the Scottish had the plan to circle the Brits. So all the lords who are like, they told William Wallace, hey, we got your back. We're going to go. And you just give us the signal. And they gave the signal and made a big show of turning their horses and armies around to walk away and be like, we're not going to help you because we like our money. It's not about our people in our country. It's about my money. And I like my money. That's what Bill Maher is. Bill Maher is one of those piece of shit, skirt wearing Scots who turned his back on William Wallace. [00:37:04] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:37:05] Speaker A: The whole idea that you are going to make content without writers who've held up your shitty show for so long, and you're not going to pay them. You're not going to find a way for them to make money. Like, okay, my writers come back. I can't do anything except give you $500 each under the table. I'll hire you as Pas. There's no way that he can come back to this show. He's literally crossing the picket line and telling the writers of his show, the janitors and the Pas that I employ once a week are more important than you. Yeah, that's fucked up. [00:37:43] Speaker B: I know they're not on a five day work schedule. We know they're not. [00:37:49] Speaker A: I see their bungalow for three and a half, four years. We were on that line next door to them. Right next door. We were the bungalow next to them. They actually gave us a fucking bungalow because they weren't using it. [00:38:03] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:38:03] Speaker A: And I'm like, all right, I'm watching these episodes live, but this motherfucker shows up one day, one day a week. [00:38:12] Speaker B: And he cranks out three episodes and he's gone. Yeah, that's who you're dealing with. [00:38:17] Speaker A: I know his deal. I know his show is live. I know his show is live. But God damn. God damn. Like, this motherfucker's act like, yeah, maybe. [00:38:31] Speaker B: Is he in a different like this was Real Time whenever I was there. [00:38:34] Speaker A: Maybe. [00:38:34] Speaker B: Is he on another show? [00:38:35] Speaker A: No. Right now. Real Time with Bill Maher. Live. So it's live on Friday nights. [00:38:42] Speaker B: Okay. [00:38:43] Speaker A: And then he has the podcast that's released after, which is just the audio of his episode. [00:38:47] Speaker B: Him, like, sitting in a chair with somebody awkwardly. I've seen clips of that. It's very strange. It's not a natural setting. Like this setting. [00:38:55] Speaker A: Yeah. Not signing us, are you? Bill Maher? If you hear this, you need somebody to cross the picket line, holl at your boy. [00:39:04] Speaker B: Hey, I'm funny sometimes. You warm up a crowd any day. [00:39:10] Speaker A: No, I know. Really? So I know that I'm biased because I'm a member of SAG and SAG AFTRA. I joined AFTRA a month before they merged with SAG. I had no idea what was going on. They're like, you have to join after. I'm like, what the fuck is after for doing voiceovers. I'm like, okay, cool. I get an email, like, halfway through the season, like, hey, yo, Saga. And after the same thing, I'm like, me and Clooney got the same insurance. Get out of. So, like, I'm a little biased, and I just know what it's like for the little guy. Because I'll tell you right now, I'm going to be very honest. And I'll tell you something right now, is that I know a lot of warm up guys who work talk shows, different reality shows and stage shows that warm up the crowd. They do a very good job. Anytime you've been to a stage show and you see that guy that's out there, that's getting you pumped up, that's keeping you entertained until your host gets out there that is not a fucking easy job. No, it is not an easy job. It's very fucking hard. You're not like the host that has writers or you come up with your own gimmick. You're holding people's attention. You are flying in there when things go down. You are pulled off right in the middle of your shtick and you look like a jackass. Yeah, it's so fucking hard. [00:40:30] Speaker B: That is really funny. When you're middle of a bit, you're like, okay, we're coming back. [00:40:33] Speaker A: Dude, I can't tell you how many times I'll be like, oh, what's your name? Oh, Katie, with the okay, we're coming back. Okay. All right. [00:40:39] Speaker B: Stand up like air steward situation because you're trying to keep the entire plane happy with candy and games and trickery until the real show starts. [00:40:48] Speaker A: Imagine somebody came and slapped the candy out of your hands and we're taking off. Put your seatbelts on. That's basically what the job is. [00:40:54] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:40:55] Speaker A: So, yeah, I'm a little biased, but I'll tell you right now that one thing that I liked relying on is that I've made friends with a lot of those guys. And I'll get a call from Kimmel or Ellen or AGT or Idol. I'll get a call from somebody who either double booked or can't do this day or sick. And I was the guy. I was the guy they would call because they knew that Obi can do the fucking job. Like Obi can take over for a day and do this for me. And it's a great check. It's a great side hustle. Imagine if that all just went away. This is their jobs. They were relying on Kimmel and Fallon and Colbert and Corden and some of these guys, like doing the Wendy Williams Show, kelly Clarkson Show, like all these daytime shows. [00:41:44] Speaker B: If you are watching a show with an audience guarantee, there is one person making sure that audience is happy and clapping and smiling and all of that shit. In between commercial breaks, in between wardrobe changes, whatever. [00:41:57] Speaker A: Yeah. And the shitty part about that is, yes, it's a good job and yes, there is money there. But that union protects these people so they can able to get a living wage for something that no one has an. Like you can't just leave Ralph's and go do a warm up gig for 6 hours on your feet with a microphone regulating your fucking blood pressure and then leave and go back to Ralph's. It's not a side job. That is your job. And the fact that these people can just some of these guys I've seen, they've moved out of La. Man. They live in, like, diamond bar. They live in Ontario or some of them, they live out of state. They only get an airbnb out here or stay with a friend when their shows in session because they can't afford to be here. To be here. And that's fucking bullshit. [00:42:55] Speaker B: Yeah. There's so much money being made on everyone's backs that just give people some more fucking money. I know you can. [00:43:06] Speaker A: Bill Maher does not have a wife, does not have a fucking kid. He is just sitting there complaining about young people while he goes back and fucks black women. And black women famously, famously don't ask much. They are the ones pulling the weight. He's not sitting there with some fucking woman that he's got to support and buy the finest shit. No. Black women got their own shit. My whole point is, Bill Maher is not hurting for fucking money. No, this fucking super duper hero, he. [00:43:40] Speaker B: Wants to be on TV still. [00:43:41] Speaker A: It's narcissism. [00:43:42] Speaker B: Yeah. [00:43:43] Speaker A: Oh, by the way, this goes for you, too, Drew. [00:43:46] Speaker B: Hey, you warned my heart with Et. You ate my craft service, but this is where I draw. [00:43:51] Speaker A: If Drew Barrymore has been acting since she was eight years old and cannot stand to be off air for a year, that is a bigger problem. There's a bigger problem there than the strike, bitch. You ain't managing your money right. [00:44:05] Speaker B: Well, I think we saw the 90s. We knew what happened for a while. [00:44:08] Speaker A: Yeah, we're not going to go into that. Wasn't she friends with River Phoenix? Anyway, this has been a great episode. A good place to cut it. Yeah. Do you have anything to say about the strike? [00:44:25] Speaker B: Just a just give people some fucking money and let's go make some more movies and shit. [00:44:31] Speaker A: It's so much money. [00:44:33] Speaker B: People go, you're real sick of watching reality TV next year. I'm telling you. [00:44:36] Speaker A: I'll tell you right now, I'm sick of watching what I'm watching right now. [00:44:39] Speaker B: Yes, we're going to run out of new content in the next month, bro. [00:44:43] Speaker A: It's just the calm app and videos of my own life on loop. That's what my life is now. Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much for listening to us and hanging out with us. Big shout out to Blaine Pierre, a producer. Super producer. DNA our music. Aaron Mossout does our music. I'm here with Bennett Miller. [00:45:04] Speaker B: Hey, catch you next time. [00:45:05] Speaker A: Catch you next time. See you later, everybody.